I'm Not Ready, I'm Just Scared

Really that is all there is to it. As I have struggled with the newness of life this year--a new city, a new marriage, a new expereince of being unemployed--I realize that I have failed miserably in the task I set before myself. I am a good writer. I even enjoy it. I can teach it and teach it and teach it all day long. I can tell others why someone is a good writer. I can describe good books, good phrases, good writing. I can recognize it. I can get others excited about it. I can explain and exemplify the things I am trying to teach my students ALL DAY LONG! Perhaps this is all I am right now. A teacher of writing. A teacher of literature. Since I have not been able to be that this past year, maybe I was looking to fill the void. Maybe that is the only sights I should be setting right now. Teaching again. I miss it.

In Awe...

I just finished reading another book, and as this story came to an end and I have visions of setting and feelings of great passion I feel for and through the characters, I wonder at the power of words and I am in utter AWE for those people who can mold words into such incredible stories! Not only that, but they do it over and over and over again. It makes me realize that I will never realize my dream of becoming a great or even a good writer unless I am writing everyday.
As an educator, I tell my kiddos all that time that in order to become better at something--anything--they must practice. Daily! Read everyday, write everyday, run, play, work at it, and you will become better. Why, then, am I not following my own advice?
Yesterday I wrote of my journaling adventure, and today I realize that it is not enough. I must put in the time and effort. I must make myself worthy of the power of the word and write, like I have never written before.
I feel as if anyone reading this would laugh and say, "DUH!" So, duh! it is! Make it a priority as much as I can. Make the choice to become great, and work towards that goal. I can't get it out of my head. Writing is all I think about. It consumes me, and I have to wonder why, when I spend so much time thinking is over, and I have the time now to work on it, why am I not writing more?
Time to push through the fear! Push through the idea that I can't! I can. I will.