Nothing to say

This seems to be the theme surrounding my life. I find that I really have NOTHING to say. I stick my foot in my mouth by saying what I am really thinking, and the head to hand connection is not my friend as of late either. That being said. I am keeping this post short. The vision of what it should be and the reality of what I am capable of is disconnected, ugly, and frustrating.

The end.

Dwindling

My motivation peaked and suffered this week.

I'm subbing.

I'm bored.

I finished two more chapter--which for me is an amazing feat in just a few days.

And...I'm spent.

How much is too much?

Miracle of all miracles! I subbed today, and thought far enough ahead to pack my computer JUST IN CASE I had some time to write. So, I found my character in a bit of a pickle with some time spent alone with her boyfriend. Then I found myself in a bit of a pickle because I wasn't sure that is where I wanted to take her! So, I began to wonder, how much is too much? I guess I better specify that this project is a YA Lit novel and taking it too far is not really okay in my book. Then I thought, how many kids get caught up in these same situations and really do go too far? Only to find that they are not ready? I think I have it resolved so that both the characters and the story can remain true to themselves, and I can remain true to me. We will see. I found myself texting my sister to ask her what she thought. I will send her the chapter this evening so she can critique it for me for real.

Seriously though, how much is too much? Outside of the romance world and in the YA Lit genre, can one get away with a semi-graphic sexual encounter? Does it add or take away? Can it work? Maybe I should research that.

The Other Stuff

As I have read posts from those who write, it is evident that the reality of life clouds in and upsets the creative. Right now, I am no exception. The focus: finding a teaching job. The cloud: my absolute fear that I won't find one again.

Maybe I should write about it. Yeah, I know, I am a genius.

My Inspiration

I never fathomed that there was such a writing community at my fingertips. I have started this blog because I see around me so many others who love to write as I do with so much more courage than I have. My dream to write and become a published author has been sitting on its' haunches waiting for me to make a move from occasional writer to serious writer. This desire has been festering, burning, begging to become a reality. Why, WHY, am I so afraid? Because it is scary. Because writing is hard and writing something that others will actually be interested in is harder.

Here is a secret: I have been working on a novel for a year and a half off and on. It is nowhere near close to being a finished work of art. It is my love and my enemy. Could it actually be my frenemy? So, if I put myself out there and ease my way into this community of writers who are so much braver than I am, perhaps I will be able to learn and grow and feed off of their courage and faith and wishes that one day that published dream will become a reality.