Seriously...

I have been so busy with this growing another human being business that I haven't done any writing for months! Then, I log on and actually read other's blogs to see that I missed NaNoWriMo...which I had never heard of until now. Well, there will be next year. Mark it on the calendar now. Until then, I have a baby to finish baking and a house to get in order. All my multi-tasking skills have gone out the window since May, so who knows when I will be writing again, but I just realized...I MISS IT.

Characterization

I suppose I should remind or tell anyone who stumbles across this blog (since I have one follower at the moment and that's only because I know her. Although, I really haven't advertised this blog--shame on me!) that I am a high school English teacher. This is a warning for anyone who reads this post because I do tend to get all "teacher-y" sometimes when I write about this writing stuff. This morning, somewhere between the kiss goodbye from the hubby and actually opening my eyes, I began to think/dream/obsess over this little blog that I have started and the other writing/publishing blogs that read and follow. I began to think about the characters who write and rant and if, in fact, their blog persona is really who they are. 

When I teach the concept of characterization to students (granted, this is actually something that I am lucky to teach since TOO many of my students still struggle with reading and writing, the majority of my time and energy was always spent playing catch-up there) we discuss the how WHO a character is in a story isn't just about how they look. It is about how they talk; how they interact with other characters, setting, themselves; how they react and handle the problems thrown at them by the plot; how they dress, walk; and how they think. Now, if I was Diary of a Virgin Novelist, this is where I would insert a great insight I have had in regards to my own writing. Miss Rebecca, who writes this blog, seems like someone I could be friends with. We could have long, deep discussions about writing and what we hope to accomplish from living a writing life. She is so very reflective, and I love that. It is so very Regis (a term applied to anything I do that is reflective because it was a HUGE part of my Master's Program at Regis University in Denver, CO--note for future reference). I like reading this blog because it is SO far from where I am, and I seriously strive to be there someday--you know, confident, almost done with my WIP, happy, upbeat, involved! Love it!

There are several more characters that I follow. This next one, Tahereh, makes me laugh and smile. She is quirky and funny, and I know that I am in for a treat and a ride when I read her blog posts. Honestly, I didn't know what to think at first. I was so taken aback at her complete honesty, her world of followers, and her insanely random posts, that I was intimidated. However, what a wonderful example she is of a great character that one will NEVER forget. 

Angie Paxton, over at Answering the What If, is really fun for me to follow. Believe it or not, she and I actually know each other personally. She is married to someone I have been friends with since he and I were four. I have met her little blonde person and held her as a baby. I am so excited for the things that are happening to Ang right now, and I can't wait for her to be published so I can read the rest of Seeds. I love reading her blog because she is so wonderfully personal and honest, and I love the images she reflects in every post she writes. It makes me feel as if  I know her so much more now, and honestly, I love that! She is amazing and the reason I even started paying more attention to the blogging world and all the possibilities it can open up for a writer. 

Finally, I have found a teacher and guide through this. Although, I am the incredibly intimidated student that sits in the back of the classroom and doesn't raise her hand, doesn't really participate, and every time I do, I hope to say something brilliant enough to be noticed by the very busy, very knowledgeable sage at the front of the room. Yes, I am talking about Nathan Bransford--Literary Agent. Even after reading Tahereh's interview with him, I was still wholly in awe. Mr. Bransford, if I ever get brave enough to query you, please be nice. 

OKAY, now what is the point of actually posting about these few people that I follow. Well, I see in them so much to be jealous of as a writer. I find that my process is much different than I ever imagined it would be, and right now, I am figuring out who my writing character is. I have been a big sister, a daughter, a constant student, a teacher, an unemployed teacher (this last year has been brutal), a new wife, and now it is time to figure out who I am as a writer. I, obviously, have some great examples of new writers and professionals in the business (there are many more than just the above mentioned), but this is all about me. How do I walk and talk and think as a writer? Honestly, my teacher moments are helping me along the way, and I love the way my brain works!  

Jaws?

Once upon a time, when I was actually teaching (and yes, I miss it horribly, and I am always looking for a job) there was a student teacher who graced our English department for a semester. I use the term "grace" loosely because not one of us really could handle his superior attitude and know-it-all personality. He decided that he needed to school the veteran teachers in the department one day (I was still a rookie, and therefore was below even him) with his brilliant plan for teaching students how to write an essay. This plan he titled J.A.W. Which, of course, stood for: Just Ask Why. The idea behind it was that by continually asking our students WHY, they would be able to explain as clear as possible the point and meaning behind their essay.
Hmmm...ever engaged in a conversation with a two-year-old curious about the whole world? Remember when you get to the point when you have come full circle? Can anyone even imagine what would happen to an essay where the writer answered WHY after every statement made? Don't get me wrong. This does need to happen. Essay writers need to be clear as to the WHO, WHAT, and WHY of their essay. There is such as thing as TOO much.
I don't ask my students WHY so much any more, but I push them to answer the HOW COME. What? They are the same, you say? They are, but they are not.
They are the same in their meaning, but they are not the same in how we think of them. When I ask WHY, students sigh and give me one word answers. When I ask HOW COME students come up with one, two and three sentence answers that fit into the essay beautifully. They find evidence in the text and in their lives. They connect ideas to one another, and I get them to do that without becoming a two-year-old following them around.
What does this have to do with my own writing? Well, sometimes I find myself forgetting that while my novel is playing out beautifully in my head, what ends up on paper is short and devoid of any imagery. I need to remember that my reader will need a HOW COME in order to understand my line of thinking or my character's line of thinking.
Besides, I really miss teaching. Really, really, and I have been dreaming about it. Dreaming about the past and I wake up wondering if there will be a future. I certainly hope so.

Dance with me

"Come dance with me, little one." I whispered as I lifted a sleeping baby from her mother's arms. She hiccuped and shook her entire body as she curled into an even smaller ball on my chest. We began that waltz around the tiny living room to the easy rhythm of baby girl's father's music as it coursed down the hall from the makeshift music room/guest room/new baby room. Music permeates her life and will eternally.
As her hiccups cease and baby sighs signal her imminent sleep, I slowly sway around the room. Guitars, bassinets, and dog toys litter the ground, but they make no difference. Our dance is what matters. Our time to bond. Our moment together. These moments are destined to be few and far between as I dread leaving my niece and my sister to return home in a few days. She will not remember, but I will. Every hug and kiss, every coo and smile. I will remember.

Contest at Grab a Pen

Here we are! This is the first contest I have entered, and I am entering strictly for fun! Check it out, try it out, and have a good time writing your submission! I sure did!

BLOW YOUR MIND

Thanks, Tahereh, for this fun opportunity!

If she can do it...

My sister gave birth this week. An event that I was actually blessed to be a part of, and she was determined to have a natural birth. Well, sixteen hours into it, she had had enough and opted for the drugs. Who can blame her? Anyway, before we hit that wall, her nurse looked at her and said, "Think of someone you know who had a natural birth, and when things are rough, just remember, if she can do it, you can too."
I am here to announce that I have found my freaking inspiration. Thanks to Nathan Bransford and his "This week in publishing" post, I am happy to announce that if Tyra Banks can fake her damn way through an YA Lit novel then I certainly can. You have got to be freaking killing me here! Tyra Banks? YA Lit? If I didn't despise that woman and her "I am God's gift to the world" attitude, then I promise, I PROMISE, I would now. My red face, angry knit brow and furious typing are probably flipping out my precious new niece in the other room, but this is beyond...beyond...aw, HELL! I even lost my train of thought because I am so furious! Well, good for her, I guess. Does she want to take over the world next? When she runs for office, I think I will move to Canada, or Mexico, or Greece.
BLECH!!

I'm Not Ready, I'm Just Scared

Really that is all there is to it. As I have struggled with the newness of life this year--a new city, a new marriage, a new expereince of being unemployed--I realize that I have failed miserably in the task I set before myself. I am a good writer. I even enjoy it. I can teach it and teach it and teach it all day long. I can tell others why someone is a good writer. I can describe good books, good phrases, good writing. I can recognize it. I can get others excited about it. I can explain and exemplify the things I am trying to teach my students ALL DAY LONG! Perhaps this is all I am right now. A teacher of writing. A teacher of literature. Since I have not been able to be that this past year, maybe I was looking to fill the void. Maybe that is the only sights I should be setting right now. Teaching again. I miss it.

In Awe...

I just finished reading another book, and as this story came to an end and I have visions of setting and feelings of great passion I feel for and through the characters, I wonder at the power of words and I am in utter AWE for those people who can mold words into such incredible stories! Not only that, but they do it over and over and over again. It makes me realize that I will never realize my dream of becoming a great or even a good writer unless I am writing everyday.
As an educator, I tell my kiddos all that time that in order to become better at something--anything--they must practice. Daily! Read everyday, write everyday, run, play, work at it, and you will become better. Why, then, am I not following my own advice?
Yesterday I wrote of my journaling adventure, and today I realize that it is not enough. I must put in the time and effort. I must make myself worthy of the power of the word and write, like I have never written before.
I feel as if anyone reading this would laugh and say, "DUH!" So, duh! it is! Make it a priority as much as I can. Make the choice to become great, and work towards that goal. I can't get it out of my head. Writing is all I think about. It consumes me, and I have to wonder why, when I spend so much time thinking is over, and I have the time now to work on it, why am I not writing more?
Time to push through the fear! Push through the idea that I can't! I can. I will.

Journaling

The progress on my book has halted. HALTED! I don't even know when I am going to be able to focus enough to sit down and write! So much is happening in my life right now that I have turned, once again, to another form of writing I find to be so uplifting, so calming! I have turned to journaling. I jump between avid journal writer and non-existent! However, with so much going on, I have needed an outlet to write down all the events and my feelings about them. So, I just filled up a journal I started six years ago (I told you I jump back and forth) and have started a new one. I have made a deal with myself to try and write SOMETHING in there on a daily basis. So far, so good. I am amazed at how things flow when I begin writing. I always think, "I have nothing to really say today." Then three pages later, I discover that I had TOO much to say and 45 minutes have passed.

I think that my new goal will be to focus on this blog a little more. I want it to be a personal success for me! I need to figure out why this writing thing is so important to me! Why do I want to do this so much? Why is it so important to me to call myself a writer? I think I need to get myself figured out, so I can  move to focusing on others--namely, my characters!

Ah, Praise!

There are three people who have actually read my book. My hubby, who loves it because he is wonderful and supportive and loves everything I do (well, almost). Sister L, who read it and then proceeded to try and tell me about it one day. This was a total compliment, and then Sister H called me after reading what I sent her a month ago and demanded more. Made my night. Motivation to write more? Perhaps. We'll see tomorrow.

I love to read!

If there was a job where I could just be a professional reader and read all day long, I think this would be the perfect job for me! I set a goal for myself to read a book a week this year. I post on my other blog Sadler Life all about the books I have read. I am devouring them lately, and I am loving it! Perhaps I don't want to be a write, maybe I want to be a publisher or an agent. How does one get into that line of work? Although, the best writers are great readers. Perhaps I just struggle daily with what I want to be when I grow up. I am not sure I will ever figure that one out!

Nothing to say

This seems to be the theme surrounding my life. I find that I really have NOTHING to say. I stick my foot in my mouth by saying what I am really thinking, and the head to hand connection is not my friend as of late either. That being said. I am keeping this post short. The vision of what it should be and the reality of what I am capable of is disconnected, ugly, and frustrating.

The end.

Dwindling

My motivation peaked and suffered this week.

I'm subbing.

I'm bored.

I finished two more chapter--which for me is an amazing feat in just a few days.

And...I'm spent.

How much is too much?

Miracle of all miracles! I subbed today, and thought far enough ahead to pack my computer JUST IN CASE I had some time to write. So, I found my character in a bit of a pickle with some time spent alone with her boyfriend. Then I found myself in a bit of a pickle because I wasn't sure that is where I wanted to take her! So, I began to wonder, how much is too much? I guess I better specify that this project is a YA Lit novel and taking it too far is not really okay in my book. Then I thought, how many kids get caught up in these same situations and really do go too far? Only to find that they are not ready? I think I have it resolved so that both the characters and the story can remain true to themselves, and I can remain true to me. We will see. I found myself texting my sister to ask her what she thought. I will send her the chapter this evening so she can critique it for me for real.

Seriously though, how much is too much? Outside of the romance world and in the YA Lit genre, can one get away with a semi-graphic sexual encounter? Does it add or take away? Can it work? Maybe I should research that.

The Other Stuff

As I have read posts from those who write, it is evident that the reality of life clouds in and upsets the creative. Right now, I am no exception. The focus: finding a teaching job. The cloud: my absolute fear that I won't find one again.

Maybe I should write about it. Yeah, I know, I am a genius.

My Inspiration

I never fathomed that there was such a writing community at my fingertips. I have started this blog because I see around me so many others who love to write as I do with so much more courage than I have. My dream to write and become a published author has been sitting on its' haunches waiting for me to make a move from occasional writer to serious writer. This desire has been festering, burning, begging to become a reality. Why, WHY, am I so afraid? Because it is scary. Because writing is hard and writing something that others will actually be interested in is harder.

Here is a secret: I have been working on a novel for a year and a half off and on. It is nowhere near close to being a finished work of art. It is my love and my enemy. Could it actually be my frenemy? So, if I put myself out there and ease my way into this community of writers who are so much braver than I am, perhaps I will be able to learn and grow and feed off of their courage and faith and wishes that one day that published dream will become a reality.